IT Love Letters

Roses are red, violets are blue

I forgot my password, but it was recovered by you.

I was sweating a bit, but you saved me

From saying “TheBeibs4eva” aloud to the guy in IT.

I once got an email, a phishing attack,

It ended up being a successful hack

Not all was lost, but I learned my lesson

Now you hide all my passwords from the next cyberaggression.

You’ve saved my job, my company files,

I’ll love you forever, even after your free trial.

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To my one and only chair,

I can’t begin to tell you how much you mean to me. I’ve been hurt so many times before by other chairs. I’ve been let down, and disappointed and stabbed in the back (somewhat literally. I cannot overstate how bad the back pain was before you.) I’d invested so much time and money with no success and I started to despair that I’d never find the one true chair for me.

And then you came into my life. And everything was suddenly different. There was a depth to your soul and your seat slide that I’d never experienced before. You were gentle but firm, supportive without being overbearing or over-corrective of my posture. We fit together so well, it’s like we were made for each other—like you were literally customized to my exact specifications and needs in order to provide maximum ergonomic comfort.

I was so afraid you’d let me down or eventually hurt me. But you remained steady and true. You were there for me through both the good days and the bad. Between your flexibility and unmatched lumbar support, I’ve never been so comfortable in my entire life.

I know now that I can count on you for anything, and that you’ll always be there to care for me.

Here’s to many more Valentine’s Days together.

Dear Laptop,

When you first asked me to move in with you in a full-time, work-from-home situation, I have to admit, I was nervous. Excited, but nervous. What if we worked well together but didn’t live well together? What if, in spite of your flexible USB-C device compatibility, it turned out the only thing you weren’t compatible with…was me?

We already had such a good relationship going. I didn’t want to ruin that. But it turned out moving in together was the best decision of my life.

True, there was a period of adjustment. We were now sharing everything with each other: a desk, a monitor, even a bed on the days I didn’t quite wake up in time before logging on. We had our fair share of bumps in the road. I had trust issues. You have connectivity problems.

But we also learned to relax around one another. We made memories that I’ll treasure forever, that I know you’ll cherish and preserve, with your powerful SDD storage and backup. I see now that I couldn’t dream of doing my work without you at my side.

This house is not a work-from home without you, darling.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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Dear Smartphone From 2007,

Although we have spent extraordinary amounts of time together over the years, it is true that I have never fully addressed my feelings towards you. So, here it is. Since we first laid eyes on each other in 2007, I just knew I had to own you. I always thought that you would be the only mobile phone for me and that we would be together forever.

There was a point in my life where I felt like I couldn’t get enough of you. You gave me my first Facebook profile, my first Angry Birds addiction – everything. But it’s not like that anymore.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, because I do. I wish I had another way to say this, but here it is: you have become technologically outdated and no longer fit into my busy lifestyle. Your battery life isn’t what it used to be. You’re no longer being serviced.

The truth, Smartphone 2007, is that I met someone else. Another smartphone, one that fits all of my needs and doesn’t die on me after a few hours. I will always look back at our relationship with much love in my heart, but I need to do what’s best for both of us. It’s not you, it’s me. And 15 years of technological advancements. Thank you for the memories.

P.S. Let’s still be friends and stay in touch. You’re still living in the back of my kitchen drawer, yeah?

Take Care.

They say breaking up is hard to do. But I think it’s time we called it. It’s gotten to where every sound you make is painful, particularly those long beeping tones at startup. I know your processor fan is broken, and there are times when being too hot to handle is a benefit in a relationship. But this is not one of them.

I’m trying so hard to listen to your needs, but it’s hard for me to understand why this crash in our love affair is happening. I know you’re heartbroken too; I see that blue screen frowny face and wish I could turn you on again. But let’s be honest, there’s just no spark left. Except the literal sparks coming from your charger.

You got me through some tough times, powering through late night cramming in the library and mass editing sessions for photography class. But I think we’ve grown up since then and I can’t be tied down anymore, literally, you have me plugged into the wall. And a glorified desktop is not what I signed up for! I think it’s time a graduated to something a little more sophisticated, something sleeker for sure. After all, you can’t stay with your first college laptop forever.

Swipe right on your next PC. Shop Laptops.